Funny Status Messages

   Me: But God, where did the second set of footprints go?.. God: That's when you were dating that psycho. I wasn't sticking around for that.

   Hot Kraft singles in your area are difficult to open, and really not good cheese anyway,,,, So....

   I just introduced a guy wearing a hoodie with shorts, to a guy wearing a vest... They're fighting... Umm Wait,, That's actually making out, they're making out.

   Wtf? I like something and the site reverts back to page 1!

   In these trying times, I want to find good in this world so here goes,,,,, I am extremely grateful that Cap'n Crunch leaves far more gently than it enters.

   My favorite dinosaurs were the carbivores... You never hear about them because they went extinct before the others,,, You know cuz,, like all the gluten and such...

   Hey protesters, while you're marching for equality for something that hasn't even happened yet, why don't you march on over the ND where Native American rights have been getting violated for over a year? Oh, it doesn't affect you. Got it.

   All I'm sayin is how do you expect your gluteus to be maximus,,, if you don't eat your bacon?

   BREAKING NEWS: Game show hosts going on strike... They know their jobs are in Jeopardy,.. but they won't settle until they can get a contract where The Price Is Right.

   At first glance, the word "Diputseromneve" looks confusing and retarded. However, if you read it backwards it's even more stupid.

   [grocery produce aisle]... ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots?.. CLERK: No, why do you ask?... CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?

   The Cubs are not my World Series Champions!!!! Protest and Boycott the unfair World Series!!

   After a Nation Wide Survey we have determined that there were actually 3% more Cleveland Indian fans than Cubs fans. We hereby demand that the Chicago Cubs relinquish their World Series Title!!! ..... Said no sane person ever.

   Martin L King ... Looted nothing, Burned nothing, Attacked .... NO ONE ....... Yet ... CHANGED THE WORLD. Time for people to wake up ..... It's the mind ... Not the emotions that holds the power.

   Good Lord .... I find it ironic that the people are claiming that Trump will destroy America ..... While they go out and destroy America.

   Safety pins are for Babies.

   .... After eight years ... At least with a new President Comedians will finally be allowed to joke about the president once again.

   Safety pins are for diapers, full of crap

   What kind of Leader says and does nothing about Nation Wide Riots?

   it ok to put up a festivus pole before the 1st of December ?