Funny Status Messages

   My stripper name would be "Placebo Effect".

   Netflix removed my 3 year old's favorite movie. THE APOCALYPSE IS NOW!!!

   Did you know that grapefruit tastes like it's trying to kill you.

   I try not to think about things I can't control like war and poverty and my personal life.

   Go ahead, criticize my overprotective parenting but no gorillas were shot on my watch.

   The best way to cook ramen noodles is to boil water, add noodles, wait three minutes, then try not to think about your life.

   I once saw Tony the Tiger and the Trix rabbit having Chex. It was grrrrrrross.

   We've spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.

   The crappy thing is,,, there are people that will vote for Trump,,, but would punish their kids for just saying the word "Pu$$y".

   Has anyone considered that Trump might be a Galaxy Note 7?

   Hey, If American women are outraged at a presidential candidate's use of Naughty words .... Who the heck bought those ... 80 MILLION COPIES OF 50 SHADES OF GREY????

   Did you know the women in Trump's family learned a long time ago how to protect their private parts when Trump is around them.

   My wife says we will only eat orange Skittles while watching the second presidential debate.

   hope the next presidential debate starts with a handshake, instead of Trump grabbing Hillary by.........

   ..... This is really weird .... For some strange reason ..... every time I pick up my Cat I end up thinking about Donald Trump.

   I'm sure glad there isn't a microphone around to record every thing I say in private.

   hey didn't Bernie wright a fantasy essay in 1972 fantasizing about raping people? .... Naw .... Dems don't do stuff like that

   Hmmmmmm ..... One says nasty words ........ The other does Nasty things. I wonder which one would hurt you most.

   At this rate, it's starting to seem like Americans will be voting on which candidate to keep out of jail in November.

   Y'all freaking out about the clowns as if women aren't afraid of being murdered by strange men while walking alone at night all the time.