Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Rap battles in Canada consist of two people trying to outdo each other with compliments.

   I find it ironic that blacks wont be safe until... you lock up all the blacks....

   Hmmm, last night it sounded like them Democrats wanted to screw up everything......

   DNC motto "Let's Make America Not So Great Again"

   DNC motto " The tacos and africans are just dumb enough to vote for us"

   More tragic news out of the music industry. Dr Dre, while being detained by police, was being respectful without a weapon and was not shot and killed.

   "I can see Wikileaks from my house." -Sarah Palin

   Haven't had ice cream or alcohol in two weeks. I'm not sure which is more impressive but I did used to make alcoholic milkshakes.

   Here’s the complete A to Z guide to understanding the enhancements to every new iPhone: It has a better camera.

   Think fate is telling me to sell my Yahoo! stock.

   When any woman says, "That garbage can is full" she isn't challenging me to fit more in. She means empty the garbage.

   When I was your age my Dad got you lost, not Siri.

   Meditation helps me block out distractions and focus on what's important. I recommend it for anyone who wants to step up their napping game.

   TV psychic Ms Cleo had died from cancer, probably never saw it coming.

   Michael Brown's Mother is set to speak at the DNC tonight. Now I wasn't going to watch anymore of this crap, but I don't think that I'll be able to look away from this inevitable train wreck.

   Kevin Durant will still hear chants of MVP every night, they just won't be for him...

   May I have your attention please. May I have your attention. Will all Bernie supporters form a SINGLE FILE line and follow Chet Lemming to the safe place room. Please move QUIETLY

   Larry David is somewhere sheading a tear that he won't be playing Bernie Sanders for the next 4 years on SNL.

   Remember when we willingly bought mustard color clothes?

   That one way trip to Mars isn't looking so bad these days....