Funny Status Messages

   So the presidential election is between a grandma who can't figure out her email and a grandpa who believes every spam he receives? Great.

   I think Hillary secretly wanted to go to prison so she could campaigin to all the black democrats

   I heard they're going to be opening up dentist offices in Walmart. They are even including an express lane for people with 10 teeth or less!

   Just found out the Tooth Fairy isn't real!!! ... Dammit ... So much for my retirement plan! BTW ... Is Bernie still running? .... He's my backup plan B. If not ... That lady promising me lotsa free stuff will have to do. She can also print money right?

   FBI Director James Comey: "probably hacked" .... In other news, ..... Russian universities dominate in 2016 Computer and Server Hacking Competition

   Turns out most people find History Boring ..... Which also turns out that is why they keep repeating the same mistakes over and over. (Forgive me folks ... that's an intellectual joke)

   BTW .... I need a new friend ....... The last one escaped

   My status updates are now 100% gluten free.

   There was kidnapping at our local school today. The teacher woke him up and told him not to do it again.

   I don't wanna get too political here, but I plan on voting for whichever candidate will do something about Meghan Trainor.

   Just went through the self checkout at Walmart and was named "Employee of the Month"......

   Had to get rid of my memory foam mattress. It threatened to start talking....

   What's up with all of those Bernie and Hillary for President bumper stickers on the cars at Walmart?

   Hmmmm .... A University of Pennsylvania/Stanford University study states that Only 9 -15% of people incarcerated in US prisons are Republican ..... Why do I have a feeling some folks are going to be a demand some sort of affirmative action for Prisons

   I stared at the moon for an hour before I realized it was one of my toenail clipping that had stuck to the window.

   I think God created marriage so death wouldn’t come as such a disappointment.

   it just me, or do all the Trumps grin like Cheshire Cats because of their oversized veneers?

   Do you ever feel like you're in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?

   i hear "this generation never puts down their phones" a lot and i'm pretty sure it's because most of them are filming a cop shoot somebody

   Could you imagine if Hillary Clinton mentioned Benghazi in her deleted emails? Republicans heads would explode!!!