Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The NC laws prevents male pervs from prying on women in the ladies room. Nothing to do with gay rights.

   Ladies, if you want free birth control, try wearing a Nancy Pelosi mask when having sex.

   Confucius say, "Woman who keep husband in dog house soon find him in cat house."

   If you watch Jaws Backwards it's really about a shark that keeps throwing people up until they finally open up a beach!

   Well,, The cool thing about driving 15 mph in a school zone is that it makes it so much easier to text.

   Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can't possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.

   so I heard last night that women are misdiagnosed more often than men. what they didn't mention was that men are usually misterdiagnoised more often than women

   Stairway to Heaven? I'm not going anywhere that is high and doesn't have an elevator.

   Cats are like Meow, Chicka Meow Meow......

   where's the CTRL, ALT and DELETE buttons on life?

   Avoid arguments about the toilet seat....use the sink....

   Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really....

   Facebook is telling me to "reconnect" with my brother...hmmm, I see him everyday.

   Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

   I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

   You Go Girl!!! And don’t come back.

   Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems....

   If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, its because you’re both heading in the same direction.

   You’d be in good shape.…if you ran as much as your mouth.

   Look at you your in perfect shape……………for a circle.