santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Got my wife some lovely perfume for Xmas, its called Tester.. Hope she likes it.

   A lot of kids were upset when they found out Santa was not real, I was more creeped out the fact my parents made me take a picture sitting on a strangers lap and kept it for years.

   to Santa, "My Mommy doesn't belive in you! Santa to kid, "Tell mommy to stop believing Obama!"

   Instead of exchanging gifts at work for Christmas I wish we could exchange families.

   In further keeping with the new American tradition of ruining holidays by starting them early and hurrying them along...I put up all my Christmas decorations yesterday, and took them back down this morning.

   Its that time of the year where the work office decides to do secret santa again and this time its under $25....I'm getting my co-worker a pack tooth brush with about $30 worth of tooth paste!

   Just got her first early Christmas present. A sweater!.. All she really wanted was a moaner or a sceamer.

   I blame all this snow on people who think its fun to decorate for Christmas before thanksgiving. ... mother nature just went along with them. ...so they cant b*tch..

   The worst part about watching The Food Network while my mother in law tries to follow their recipes during the Holidays is the sad fact that they don't deliver.

   While discussing the costliness of gifts, my wife's family has decided to draw names out of a hat for Christmas on Thanksgiving Day this year. Too bad I couldn't draw the name of a different family altogether for Christmas.

   Nothing says thankful and greatful like puching your fellow man in the mouth for $30 off a cheap TV made in China. Now get out there and fight for your kids presents, cause whats a great Christmas without a war story for the kids..

   Dear Santa, Please get Apple to replace Siri with Channing Tatum

   What do people with spinning flashing inflatable Christmas lawn ornaments think is tacky?

   Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.

   I just hid my teenage son's Christmas gifts behind the vacuum, in the dishwasher and next to the trash can that needs to be taken out.....guaranteed he will never find them!

   Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I'm calling Santa!"

   I was so angry at my parents when I found out Santa wasn't real, I stormed out of the house, got in my car and just drove and drove.

   It always warms my heart to see celebrities getting into the Christmas spirit, Paul Walker is currently decorating a tree.

   “Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, all over Mrs. Claus's face and hair..."

   In the spirit of the season Miley Cyrus has announced her plans for a television special where she will twerk to all of Bing Crosby’s holiday classics. NOW it feels like Christmas!!!