Funny Status Messages

   "At least Trump is entertaining." - people who entertain themselves by pulling the wings off of butterflies

   Keith Emerson is dead from an apparent suicide. I guess he wasn't such a Lucky Man after all.

   Protestors successfully shut down a Trump rally...then they fire guns and start looting. That will only create more support for Trump you ignorant fool protestors.

   I like to refer to it as a "Magic Carpet Ride" when I sit on HIS bearded face and HE works that tongue like Harry Potter wielding a wand.

   Jiggling fat is a little more fun when you imagine a dubstep noise coming out of it.

   Spider-Man : Can I be in the Avengers now? ... Captain America : Ummmm, sure... Spider-Man : What can I do?... Iron Man : You OK with Web-design?...

   I watched the news reports on what was going on in Chicago!!!! I had no idea Trump won the playoffs!!!!

   I'm writing a book about reverse psychology.. Please don't buy it!!

   I think I got a textually transmitted disease from unprotected Facebook poking!

   If you are voting for Donald Trump for President in 2016, raise your hand. Now slap yourself with it, you're an idiot.

   Donald Trump could be a huge step forward in race relations. He can be a voice for the orange people.

   Why is "Trump" and "Cruz" understood by some Americans, however those same Americans still don't know the difference between their, there, & they're.

   If Republican candidates would stop calling them "Rallies" and start calling them "Job Fairs" they wouldn't have the problems like the liberals in Chicago started.... Just saying!

   I always text "I'm on my way", as I'm still naked in bed.

   I like my women, how I like my laptop, on my lap, turned on & virus free.

   How To Drink A Perfect Martini: 1) Pour gin, vermouth, and olives into....the trash where they belong. 2) Drink whiskey.

   Things that give me anxiety: 1) Everything. 2) People without anxiety. 3) Trump supporters at his rallies.

   Donald Trump has no political experience whatsoever. Meanwhile you need 5 years experience for an entry level management level position at Chilli's.

   Why Women Cry: 1) Sadness. 2) Happiness. 3) ??????.

   If you line up all your ex's in a row you can see the flow chart of your mental illness.