Funny Status Messages

   Ever danced so badly that the dog dry heaved?... * Asking for a friend.

   I buy all my snowstorm supplies at the liquor store

   Olympics to Allow Pre-Op M-to-F Transsexuals to Compete..... So there will now be drag races in the Olympics?

   "I'll have the Anti-sleeping Prescription" ..."Sir, those are kids" ..."Gimme two"

   Will Bernie Sanders still be alive at election time? Will Hillary get more Navy Seals killed and ignore the facts? Times up in 10 months Obama!!

   Its so cold outside that by the time I walked back to the car, the footlong I got at Subway shrunk to a 6 inch..

   It is so cold outside that by the time I walked back to the car, the footlong I got at Subway shrunk to a 6 inch.

   Please watch for black the black ice #blackicematters

   People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that's called a Turn Signal.

   A giraffe's coffee would be cold by the time it hit the bottom of his throat. Ever think about that? No, you only think about yourself.

   I hope snow storm Jonas doesn't bring his other 2 brothers

   Alcohol and denial are cheaper than therapy. . .

   The snow storm is way too white, I think it's time to boycott.

   Ladies of the east coast.... you wanted 8+ inches, here you go.

   Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.

   The American bald eagle is no longer America's National Bird...it is now Obama's middle finger

   I'm so broke, I owe myself two bucks

   These aren't wrinkles on my face, they're road maps

   Was visiting New York and asked someone, "How do I get to Carnegie hall?" The said, "Practice man, practice."

   It was so cold today, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pocket.