santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I can't believe people have nerve enough to still be shooting fireworks. They almost caught my Christmas lawn decorations on fire.

   Fellas; If your fiancé designs her own engagement ring, prepare for a life of sex on your birthday and holidays only.

   Dear retail stores. August 21st is too damn early for Christmas decorations. Take them down. Now.

   Taking down my Christmas tree would probably just be a waste of time at this point.

   Christmas will be here sooner than you think. Forget the gifts and commercialization, make it a time to be Merry. Unless you live in San Francisco....then make it a time to be Mary.

   Since Jesus's birthday and Christmas are on the same day this year I'm only giving him one present.

   FYI: The holidays are coming. If you do NOT want snakes please send me a notarized letter asking for NO SNAKES. Otherwise you are getting snakes.

   If you get a call from a telemarketer, hand the phone to a three-year-old and tell him it's Santa Claus.

   I don't hate you, but I hope you want an iPhone for christmas and you get the 5c.

   A nutsack is a guy's Christmas Ornament from God.

   K-mart is starting their Halloween sale. They have a lovely selection of Christmas trees.

   I accidentally drank two energy drinks this morning and now my house is decorated for Christmas.

   Xmas Shopping List: iPad Air ✓ MacPro ✓ PS4✓ Broke✓

   Wait til last minute to buy Christmas presents for the elderly, could save you lots of money..

   One day, as a little boy, I wrote to Santa Clause. "Please send me a little brother." Santa Clause wrote me back,,, "Ok, send me your mother."

   I'm thinking about asking Nicholas Cage to be in my daughter's Christmas play for $15 and lunch

   Since the Jonas brothers break up.. they've come to an agreement to see each other during the holidays. . .

   Judging by the music and decorations at Walmart we're only 3 days away from Fox News War on Christmas season.

   Dear Santa... In reguards to my wish list last year, I wrote to you asking, "sex, for a change" Not "for a sex change"... Please fix this

   See how everyone forgot... The comet that will be here on December 25th, is just one of Santa's Reindeers