SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I just heard someone described as a "YouTube star" which I don't think is actually a thing.

   Maybe the government clamping down on the internet isn't such a bad thing. The only thing I ever got off of Craigslist was chlamydia!

   Maintaining a Facebook page for your dog is an easy way to let all your friends know you're crazy.

   The only thing more ferocious than a T-Rex guarding a nest is the too-drunk-to-dance chick that was left behind to guard purses.

   Saw a Cougar wearing a Leopard coat, driving a Jaguar. It's a jungle out there.

   A team of researchers has concluded that the "G-spot" doesn't exist. Thank God. Now I can just focus on finding my remote.

   My girl keeps her hair short so instead of holding back her hair when she pukes, I keep her boobs out of the way. I'm nice like that.

   I should probably press charges on myself after the shower I just took.

   Want to hurt someone's confidence? Shoot them with a gun.

   My vet has more hair coming out of his ears than my dog. Pretty rad.

   HEY PEOPLE DRIVING IN SNOW, IF TRAFFIC'S REALLY BAD MAKE SURE YOU TAKE YOUR EYES OFF THE ROAD AND TYPE IN A TWEET ABOUT IT, OK?

   Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?

   It's too bad you can't punch someone's personality.

   In grade school it's called bullying but when you get older it's referred to as upper level management.

   Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like "Andrew Granola."

   "Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying." - The Joker

   I just drank a manly Dr. Pepper 10 and now my balls are too big to fit in my pants.

   How exactly is carrying a screaming two year old different from playing the bagpipes?

   According to WebMC, I be illin'.

   I call bullsh!t on these retro bottles of Coca-Cola. They make you add your own cocaine.