smeebert Funny Status Messages

   Finally got around to filling out my bracket yesterday and guess what? perfect bracket so far

   As a kid I was always wearing shoes too big and didn’t know why until one day I remembered my childhood and my dad saying - walk a mile in mine.

   I’m famous someone took a picture of me it went virus

   What if it was April fools of next year when someone finally reveals to you the self quarantine ended 11 months ago.

   Weird, thousands of people working from home getting paychecks and not a single one has called in sick all week.

   New Deluxe never used 2020 planner - super cheap!

   Whoever stole my glasses you WILL be sorry, I have contacts!

   Well the pandemic unemployment is coming to an end here shortly so guess it’s time to get back to work, all these companies are all after me so shouldn’t be hard - electric company, fuel company, telephone company

   Why am I sleeping on the couch? well lets put it this way she caught me talking on the phone last night and it was not Jake from State farm

   Thank you everyone ! In celebration of my birthday today - l will match any cash donations given to me.

   Please don't tell China I know all kinds of Super Secret Stuff! They might send one of those Hot Chinese Spies to Work me Over!

   She will always remember this as the day she almost caught captain Jack Sparrow