paulb808 Funny Status Messages

   My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.

   like the real live version of the state fair..

   Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.

   My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.

   Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. The Internet in a nutshell.

   i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. God I miss college. a moment ago clear

   Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

   I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...

   that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.

   when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vajajay" I knew I was at home.

   What where Abe Lincoln's first words after he woke up from a three day bender? " I FREED WHO?"

   ̿̿̿ ̿' ̿'̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ this is a stick-up... give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!

   Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.

   behind every strong girl is an a$$hole who made her that way

   I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway

   You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.

   Somewhere in this world my second wife is in 9th grade.

   I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public

   I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that

   If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook