goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   I have Park Place and Boardwalk from McDonald's Monopoly game. I don't play these stupid games, so if you want them inbox me.

   I had a falling out with a co-worker when he found out I slept with his sister. We're cool now. He is even teaching me Spanish. Now I can order steak(Soy un idiota que tiene sexo con las vacas). Thanks Javier!!

   As an ex-construction worker, when I see a "lost" cone on the roadway a little piece of me dies inside.

   It's so hot here, gangsters are doing drive bys with squirt guns.

   I love my wife, and God bless her for packing my lunch. But when you whip out a fruit roll up on a construction site, you get looks!

   To anyone who would risk their lives for their country foreign or domestic, I tip my hat to you.

   The only good thing about the fog, is you can pull off the road and piss without being judged by others.

   If it's foggy out and you are driving without your headlights on, I pray you don't find a "good" parking space this holiday season.

   As cold as it is outside, today might be a good day to double-up on my underwear.

   Man Rule #4: Never be the last one on your street to bring the trash bins in.

   at Walmart buying pajama jeans for Thanksgiving dinner.

   "To Hell with them fellas. Buzzards gotta eat same as worms."-Josie Wales

   Personally, I'd like to see Gillette come out with an eight-ply roll of toilette paper.

   Today is the worst day ever! (wait for the "what's wrong?" reply. Then post "Today, I finished off the Thanksgiving leftovers".

   If your name is on your shirt, you are considered lower class. If it's on the door where you work you're middle class. If it's on the building, upper class(looks at shirt) Crap!!!

   When I say I have "true grit" right now, I'm not talking about how tough I am. Just that I happend to smile during this dust storm :/

   I'm trying not to judge, but your silver front teeth scream "Medi-Cal".

   Finally with today's paycheck, I've saved up enough cash to get the "gold" package on my '93 Sentra.

   I know I can't be the only one here hitting these ads by mistake trying to go to the next page.

   To all the merchants trying to make a buck off of Christmas...Go elf yourself!