abbybaby34 Funny Status Messages

   When people try extra hard to cover the keypad as they enter their pin at the ATM, I always want to whisper, "I saw it" when they're done.

   It's not really stalking if you don't catch me doing it.

   Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it's just a diagnosis.

   If it takes you more than an hour to answer a text message I will assume that you're dead.

   When a spambot tells you to click a link to take an IQ test, that IS the IQ test.

   Deleting all emails as they come in without reading them. Like a boss.

   Did I un-jam the copier? Yes. Does that make me a hero? Not for me to say. But probably.

   It's official I've finally been over notified.

   Who would have thought that giving an actor with a history of drug addiction $2 million an episode would have turned out badly?

   If you really want to get to know someone, start arguing with them.

   You'd be amazed how often I'm wrong when people say guess what.

   Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a bat.

   Maybe you should eat make-up so you can be pretty on the inside.

   Don't get me wrong. I totally hear what you're saying...I just don't care.

   I'm just like everyone else: I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time.

   Look, I know you have your "swag on" but can you walk a little bit faster?

   Ever want to answer every question with a middle finger? That's kinda where I'm at today.

   As kids we want to be adults who can do whatever they want and as adults we wish we were kids who can do whatever they want

   we all know "watch a movie" means "I wanna be in the dark with you"

   I FINALLY found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!