Nipper Funny Status Messages

   At air shows in Japan, they have to get new pilots every year.

   The campaign to stop male rappers disrespecting women is known as 'Femineminism'.

   Hot singles in your area wish you would turn up the air conditioning.

   Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.

   The worst part about buying new underwear is having to sew a sock on them every time.

   I think I am safe if I commit a crime that goes to trial cause no way they'll find 12 people to sit on a jury as my peers

   I’m stoned. Either the smoke alarm is beeping or the house is backing up

   Either I need to up my dosage or my income.

   "Ham-fisted" sounds glorious to some.

   It takes Axl Rose approximately 12 minutes to sing 2 verses of "Head, Shoulders, na-na-na-na-na-na-Knees and Toes."

   I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.

   When considering joining a site offering secret infidelity but requires you register with a name/photo, a good alternative is to not do that

   My therapist said I should tap more into my creative side, so I just made a hash pipe using a Kiwi and a ball point pen.

   saw myself naked in the mirror and now my hand isn't in the mood

   If your girlfriend asks you to role play 'doctors and nurses' in the bedroom, don't diagnose her with down-syndrome. Trust me on this.

   I feel kinda like that guy in Nirvana whom nobody really appreciates. Not Kurt Cobain or Dave Grohl, the other one.

   Just imagine...with one touch of a button, your 5 year old could upload all your phone's photos to iCloud.

   I will still be nude when reading Playboy.

   Never mess with someone who has access to your toothbrush.

   Lazy is as lazy doesn't.