JEBI Funny Status Messages

   Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment...

   I can tell people are judgemental just by looking at them...

   I'm sorry Will and Kate...but every baby born is a prince or princess

   I just explained Google images to my mom. "Pick anything to search for..." I told her. "What about a nice cream pie?" She asked... "Except that." I replied

   I think Miley's tongue is trying to escape...

   You must be a Jedi Master...cuz yodalicious....

   The two major causes of depression are: a) having a wife, and b) not having a wife.

   Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.

   Being honest may not get you alot of friends but it does get you the right ones...

   The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time...

   The creator takes those who are strongest...so that those who are left behind have something to live up to. RIP Nelson Mandela

   MTV has named Miley Cyrus the best artist of 2013. Kinda fitting I guess, since MTV has no idea what music is anymore...

   I got this whole Christmas gifting thing on lock!! I bought my mom a fridge for Xmas a few years ago and still to this day every time she opens it....her face lights up

   Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I'm stalking you" was much funnier in my head.

   The most photographed red carpet in Hollywood is still Lindsay's.

   If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...

   I found a jacket that I wore in 2002 and found a Nokia 3220 in the pocket... It still has 2 bars left...

   Heard Dominos is coming out with a pizza in honour of Tom Brady...one half of its covered and its called the "incomplete"...

   "I have a dream" - Martin Luther King jr "I have a drone" - Barrack Hussein Obama

   I told my wife she just needed to embrace her mistakes. She wept softly...and then hugged me.