Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   There is always a double standard when strip clubs have 'All You Can Eat' buffets.

   Dear BP, ....Lower your gas prices a good amount and we'll call it even.

   Terrance & Phillip should've really done the "lighting of the torch" during the Winter Olympics back then.....too late now.

   Its funny how the Simpsons have been around for 21 years and they haven't aged a bit.

   You know what''s so scary, but just so sexy at the same time? A hot woman kicking your a$$ in video games.....in your room.....on your bed.

   If you hated taking quizzes in school, why the hell are you doing them on Facebook......and putting them on my News Feed?

   For the person who picked on you in school, stole your boyfriend/girlfriend from you, spread lies and rumors about you, didn't help you in anyway possible....all of a sudden......wants to be your friend on Facebook.

   I bet Quagmire has tons of child support to pay.

   When the World calmly tells you, "Give Up" on your struggles to success, You whisper back and say, "Hell...No"

   Did you ever stop to think if some of your friends were actually resulting mistakes made by their parents'...."Get-Together?"

   Quite a number of women put "Ugh" in their statuses to show the stress and pain of their "situation." To me it almost sounds like you're constipated. "Ugh!! I really don't wanna go to work today, ugh!"

   My dog was barking at the back door and my wife was yelling at the front door. I always let the dog in first because at least its shuts up when it gets in the house.

   You ever seen somebody so damn ugly the government should transfer their birthday to Halloween??....Yeah, me too.

   Saying "Let me call you back" is just a nicer or rather messed up way for a woman to say she doesn't wanna talk to you.

   Please! You're only older than me because your parents decided to have unprotected sex before mine did. At least mine didn't make a mistake that night.

   With all that weight loss, 50 Cent looks like one of those crazy people from "I Am Legend"

   She had a Coca-Cola body....too bad it was the 2-Liter version.

   You know who's going to take the title between the Celtics & Lakers......Football season that's who.

   Motels....Because you and your hooker deserve better than the backseat of some car.

   Something a wife would NEVER say to her husband: "Could you please stop washing the dishes and sit down and have a beer with me, I can't hear the game!"