Funny Status Messages

   It's all fun and games until your picture is up at all the McDonalds drive thrus in your county. 31

   Geno Smith sucker punched. Out 6-10 weeks. Apparently HE threw the first punch. It was intercepted!!!

   I Changed Siri to a male voice,, and now I can't get directions and most of the answers are wrong.

   Marriage vows should include no bringing up crap that happened 8 years ago.

   Love: When you still like someone after marriage.

   A faulty judgement or bad IQ?!

   Weekly I confine my exercises to jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth and pushing my luck. I have already lost at least 3 friends....

   When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.

   Ladies, if you're in compitition to get as many friend on your frinds list, post naked pictures of yourself. . .

   Ladies, if you're in competition to get as many friends on your friends list as possible, post naked pictures of yourself. . .

   Which came first? The Pringles can or Tennis ball container?

   I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now i'm going to a different cafe.

   Some people want to wake up rich. Some people want to wake up famous. I just want to wake up and not worry about a damn thing.

   Don't ask me for directions I got lost on an elevator once.

   I've trained my dog to understand sarcasm.

   *son walks in on parents* *out of breath* -Daddy & I were just wrestling honey -Ya son, wrestling *dad busts a chair over mom's head*

   I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores

   Believe half of what you see -Fetty Wap

   a straight white male walks into a bar. He is chastised because every problem in the world is his fault.

   Sorry to break it to you but,,,,, (1) I have high self esteem (2) I don't need your money; and (3) I hate drama....... So.....