santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   My dog left me christmas present under the tree I had to clean it up

   Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.

   Only 364 shopping days 'til Christmas!!

   says: Well, everyone was dreaming of a white Christmas and well, we got it... Just on a side note - I AM NOT IMPRESSED WITH YOU DREAMERS. NOT IMPRESSED AT ALL!! :(

   364 shopping days 'til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.

   Shout Out to the Kids in the Projects that left some Milk & Cookies out for Santa but the Roaches got to it first.

   There are 363 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up... Unbelievable...

   Coworker: How was your Christmas? Me: Fine Coworker: Aren't you gonna ask about mine? Me: Hell no!

   Ok, Christmas lights are up and ready for next year.

   If you received a Christmas gift, but you didn't p ost a picture of it on your FB wall, did you really receive a gift?

   My wife's mother was here for Xmas dinner. My youngest says to me, "Hey Dad! When are you gonna do that trick?!?" "I said, "Do what trick?" He goes, "You know. You said if granny comes for Christmas you'd climb the walls!"

   I made the mistake of getting my girlfriend an ipad mini for christmas. Now ipad gets more facetime than me. :(

   Just bought an artificial Christmas tree and the clerk asks me, “Will you be putting this up yourself?” “NO YOU SICK CRAZY NUT!! I'm putting it up in my living room!”

   Rationally, I now understand that my parents were always Santa, but I still don't get how they made it to all those houses in one night.

   Was in the K-Mart earlier and noticed they have Barack Obama Christmas Ornaments. Seems it's fashionable again to hang black people from a tree.

   I got batteries for Christmas. They weren't included.

   Got a talking scale for Christmas. First thing it said was "one at a time, please..."

   Took out my Christmas tree to curb and dropped needles like a heroin addict in NY all over over floor. .

   My brother took being sent to prison really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own faeces. After that, we vowed never to play Monopoly again at Christmas...

   "Mrs. Doubtfire" and "The Santa Clause" use the exact same plot formula.