santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Always Remember, If CHRISTMAS Isn't Found In Ur Heart, You Won't Find It Under A Tree..

   Not setting my expectation high this Xmas, since I shall not be kissed under a mistletoe I shall accept to be kissed by a camel-toe.

   Well, time to get dressed and go Christmas shopping. What time does Walgreens close?

   My Christmas tree isn't the only thing that's getting lit this time of year.

   It would probably make more Sense if they did our taxes 2 mths before christmas that way we can actually afford christmas.

   Bucket list #33: Get a mouse dressed as a pirate to sit on your shoulder while you hand out Christmas gifts,, Also he should pretend to steer you holding a potato-chip.

   Heading into Wal-mart on Christmas Eve. If I don't make it out alive, I just want to say it has been great knowing you all.

   My ornaments are starting to droop. Yeah, time to ask Santa for a new bra.

   I told Santa what I wanted for Christmas, now I'm on the naughty list

   twas the night before Christmas & all through the trailer park, not a creature was stirring, not even a dog's bark (redneck edition)

   Friendly Christmas Reminder: If you're telling a joke to a group of family members and friends, and no one laughs, there is NO need to REPEAT the joke a second time!

   I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I'll pop open the red and drink that.

   i don't get it...tonight theres millions of breaking & entering cases but nobody calls the police because they get bought off with presents

   I dont know if yall know but umm ...its Christmas time in Hollis Queens

   JUST saw Santa jumping from roof to roof with half a dozen cops behind him. Perhaps he lost his Reindeer and they're helping him find them?

   What time do we take our kids door to door for presents?

   Hope all the gun haters are watching "A Christmas Story" right now, Ralphie just got his Red Ryder BB Gun!

   I've long accepted the fact my parents were Santa. But what I still don't get is how they manage to deliver all the presents around the world in a single night

   guess what I found under the Christmas tree??? Floor tiles!

   Merry Hammered People!!!! I'm Christmas!!!!