SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   The music business is always chasing trends. Adele sells millions, so RCA makes Kelly Clarkson gain 80 pounds.

   Yesterday was the birthday of both Elvis Presley & David Bowie, neither of whom have gained any weight since 1977.

   A lady called me 'Feckless' and I was forced to admit it - I am totally without Feck.

   Bumperstickers are a great way to let people know you're a moron.

   I like hearing how actors shouldn't have political opinions from people who worship Ronald Reagan.

   People who bring their own bags to the grocery store always look like they're waiting for applause.

   Taco Bell put Fritos in a burrito. See, you can eat healthy at a fast food place.

   Is it just me or do those red foil wrapped Hershey's kisses taste almost identical to the silver foil Hershey's kisses? I'll keep testing.

   Thanks, Phillips Colon Health Lady, for proving there's no need for a healthy diet if we can just eat crap & take a pill.

   My daddy didn't come to my play in 2nd grade so now I do MMA.

   Just did that thing where you dump an entire pot of spaghetti on your head and start crying.

   Guys, don't put a smiley face in your texts to other guys. It's like wiping standing up. You learned it wrong.

   Just farted in CVS. I basically can't be tamed.

   The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn't enough motivation to get off the couch.

   Eventually gravity lowers every woman's standards.

   You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn't stolen.

   Maybe my microwave is leaking radiation, but I could swear Orville Redenbacher just asked me if I can keep a secret from my mommy and daddy.

   "Um...I'm getting paid overtime for this, right?" --my liver

   Someone puked on my sister's front steps last night. Signs pointing to me. Looking for clues.

   I don't mind if you wear the pants in our relationship, because if I'm doing it right, you won't have them on for long...