aaron Funny Status Messages

   Farmer plows the field. Farmer doesn't even stay for breakfast, stops returning the field's calls.

   Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.

   "Siri, what are the side effects of Valium?" I mumble into the tv remote.

   "I already looked there." -Kids that didn't look there

   The key to a good night's sleep is to stay up late and get almost no sleep, then the next night after that you'll get a good night's sleep.

   Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you'll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.

   Just helped an elderly man cross the street by honking my horn repeatedly

   And when I die, this will all be yours. *points to plastic bags filled with other plastic bags