Baddie Funny Status Messages

   I know just enough Spanish to buy the drugs I like.

   In a bear attack, hold your hands up and approach calmly. Palm strike to the sternum. You're attacking a bear now.

   No guy named Larry was ever a baby. They actually walk out of their mothers womb with receding hairlines in sandals with socks

   Nothing beats a woman with a great voice. Except Chris Brown.

   It's almost as if Kanye West doesn't realize his girlfriend actually made and distributed p orn.

   Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So...41 guys...that's the limit.

   My wife finally got a "Brazilian". He seems nice.

   Ladies, we don't really want a sandwich after sex, we just want you to get out of the bed so we can go to sleep

   I'll have what she's shaving.

   Men get more attractive with age. Women...well they just let you put it in more places.

   There should be an observation deck at Walmart.

   I see your "Restraining order" and raise you a "high powered telescope"

   I bet even Bill Gates doesn't use BING when no one is looking.

   I'm thinking the woman with 4 kids on leashes at Walmart should probably stop buying her condoms at Walmart.

   My father of the year hopes and dreams were crushed the moment I joined Facebook.

   People that are happy, keep that sh*t between you and your drug dealer, no one else cares

   Single mothers must make the toughest decisions every day. Decisions like "Which children's toy is giving up its batteries for mommy?"

   This Lady in a Hummer at the next pump was b*tching about gas prices on a gold iPhone holding a Starbucks. Long story short I need bail money.

   Ladies: Next time you shake a man's hand just remember you're really shaking his d*ck's best friend.

   If you love someone, set her free. If she doesn't come back, start dating her best friend.