SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Wait - so we're NOT supposed to eat the Silica Gel packet?

   When I hear "Tropical Depression" I think of Toucan Sam sitting in a rain-forest crying.

   Why does it have to be believer versus atheist? Can't we all just look down on those astrology weirdo's?

   I'm not superstitious. Stitious, yes, but not in a heightened sense. I am, however, super lazy sometimes.

   Damn!! My glasses fell in the toilet, now I can't see for sh!t!

   Tip! If the party invitation mentions 'festivities', 'ball pit' and 'face painting' - it's most definitely B.Y.O.B. You are welcome!

   Remember that movie from the 80's where Robert Downey Jr. blew a guy and then died from a coke overdose? Was that "Gremlins"?

   Don't forget to put the word "organic" in your tweets, so you can charge more for them.

   There comes a time in every man's life when he starts using this phrase.

   I think we should follow new people.

   They probably just called her an "explorer" because "Dora the Drug Mule" didn't rhyme.

   If you put your finger in someone's butt you're legally married to that person in at least 46 states.

   Truck commercials are getting ridiculous. Just waiting for one with an F850 pulling planet earth. Built Ford Tough.

   Bible forbids men w/men but nothing about women w/women, proving the Old Testament has the same policy as Vivid Video.

   Divas are fun and all, but do your best to keep them away from open flame. Their faces are highly susceptible to melting.

   Remember the days when the best way to sharpen your robbing and murdering skills was to get yourself involved in Texas cheerleading?

   Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.

   If you don't already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.

   Ladies, please stop wearing sweatpants w/a corp logo on the butt. That area's only supposed to advertise YOU.

   Don't let the kickass part scare you, I'm as harmless as a honey badgar.