friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   I ate too much salad over the weekend so I'm going on an Oreo cleanse today.

   I gained an hour last weekend. I spent that hour figuring out how to change the clock in my car

   How is Monday the 13th not as scary as Friday the 13th?!

   Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

   Went to a Black Friday thing a my sweetheart’s house… all clothes were 100% off.

   Gun sales hit #1 record for a Black Friday sales item.

   Cats always have that look on their face like you just asked if they would help you move next weekend

   Watching Friday the 13th. A load of awful make-up on brain-dead zombies. Oh wait. Sorry, wrong channel. This is "The View".

   Beginning to question my plans to go yachting with Robert Wagner this weekend.

   I just got the minivan washed if anyone wants to party this weekend.

   I think daylight saving time should start on a friday at 4pm instead of 2am sunday morning.

   I think I lost an hour reading all the tweets about how people lost an hour this weekend

   So many accidents with Hillary. I'm not even sure she still alive, maybe they're just dragging her body like in Weekend at Bernie's

   The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.

   I wish the weekend came as fast as my ex did.

   Girlfriend asked me to come to her place for a Black Friday special. All clothes were 100% off.

   I was thinking about going to Walmart for Black Friday but I couldn't find my pajamas.

   Ladies in Atlanta this weekend, every big dude is not an NFL player, don't get knocked up by the cook from Waffle House

   Remember as we are planing for our tomorrows, our brave soilders are giving theirs today.. Have a safe an wonderful Memorial Day weekend everyone!!

   [coworker interrupting my story about how my weekend was] first of all McDonald’s doesn’t even have soup