bego Funny Status Messages

   Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me.

   Today, my mother commented "loser" on my Facebook profile picture. She got 41 likes.

   Just remember, while you're lying to, disrespecting and making your girl cry, there's a man out there waiting to hold her, dry her tears and treat her right...

   The more I hear about other people's relationship drama, the happier I am that I'm single. :

   Single.. because my ex was such a loser..

   There are a few people I know whose birth certificates should be considered an apology letter to the world!

   Dear Haters, ╭∩╮ º.º ╭∩╮ Sincerely, Me.

   Only a few more days until those “yo, 2012 is about to be my year” status updates..

   Hey mom?” “WHAT!?” “Nevermind you`re not in a good mood.

   Some people don't poop, crap just comes out of their mouth 24/7.

   Romantic films are known to ruin relationships as they give unrealistic expectations to women about what to expect from men. Porn has the same effect on men.

   For Sale: 1 Heart. Horrible condition. I don't care what you do with it, just rip it out of my chest and take away this pain.

   Im the type of person who enjoys making people: cringe, blush, and shake their head when reading my status!

   If I poke you on Facebook and you poke me back does that mean we just had Facebook sex? & if I poke you and you didn't want to be poked did I just rape your page?

   Teenage: have time & energy but no money Working age: have money & energy but no time Old age: have time & money but no energy! ~

   Do you remember your parents telling you when you were bad, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out!" Those were the good ole' days

   Good girls get presents at Christmas. Bad girls get presents all year long.

   Most relationships fail not because the absence of love, but because girls love to much and guys love to many.

   HOW can dogs sniff out bombs, save a guy from drowning, keep you from walking into traffic, but CANT figure out how to UNWRAP themselves from around a tree!

   Nothing like sitting back and watching the people who stabbed you in the back fall apart.