Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   I'm so ignored here I'm beginning to think all of you are actually cats.

   If anybody out there is in quarantine right now, can I come over?

   I do understand women, but I don't know how to explain them to you.

   The difference between you and me: You call the shots. And I drink them.

   The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober

   Maybe Adele is singing about her cats. You don’t know.

   I must have been involved in some filthy debauchery last night, because when I woke up the Jesus statue in my bedroom was facing the wall.

   Аliens would laugh if they knew the smartest spесies on the planet still kills each other over religion.

   Dear Liver: This month is gonna be tough. hang in there and stay strong buddy.

   Just heard someone on the porch, hopefully this is just a home invasion and not some unexpected company

   My ex got me arrested cause I used to sit outside her house all day. She thought I was stalking her but I wasn't, I just had her WiFi pass.........

   Steven Tyler's mic stand has so many scarves on it that I always thought he was just screaming at Johnny Depp and trying to strangle him.

   “We don't lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids

   How scary stories will be told in the future: “..and that's when he realized HE FORGOT TO ENABLE WIFI AND WATCHED 5 SEASONS USING HIS DATA PLAN.” **everyone screams in terror**

   Netflix and panic attack?

   You seem too lazy to file a restraining order. I like you.

   Drink until the bottle is emptier than you.

   Dance like its back in 1999 when no one had a camera phone.

   In the history of earth, no woman has ever successfully changed a man yet they keep trying to this very day.

   Why disappoint others, when you can disappoint yourself.