Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   I'm already sick of writing this book I'm thinking of writing.

   The Men's Warehouse guy is going to die of lung cancer. I guarantee it.

   If these walls could talk, I'd probably stop hanging things with nails.

   If I had a time machine I'd stop OJ from killing those ppl & then nobody would ever know what a Kardashian is.

   It's tough to control a fear of abandonment issue when your therapist doesn't show up for your appointment.

   i dont know whats worst..hearing dane cooks jokes..or seeing them recycled here all the time

   I went to a Narcissists Anonymous meeting but it was just this pathetic bunch of nobodies

   What hip hop music needs is more songs set in nightclubs. About nightclubs. Encouraging people to go to nightclubs.

   If you take the number of minutes it took someone to text you back, multiply it by five & subtract your age, you've got WAY too much free time.

   Those friends of yours who only call you when they're driving? They're bored, stuck in a car and totally using you

   Just saw a homeless guy wearing a Nickelback shirt. Further proof that listening to Nickelback leads directly to homelessness.

   Why would LL Kool J's Mom want me to be knocked out? What did I do?

   Yes, you are entitled to your opinion. Why you insist on being wrong is beyond me, but go nuts with it.

   We can only heal as a nation, once we acknowledge that Morris Day and the Time were robbed in the battle of the bands in Purple Rain.

   realizing being gay is such a happier way to live

   Cats. Because why should conditional love only come from family?

   Just stared in horror at the contents of my son's diaper & asked him why he's doing this to our family.

   Judging by how The Hulk speaks, he reacted badly to grammar rays as well.

   If your parents are cannibals, the "got your nose" game is frighteningly serious.

   In other birthday news, Cory Hart turns 50. He now wears his bifocals at night.