Aaron Funny Status Messages

   You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, "No one will ever believe you."

   Nice try speed bumps, it's a rental.

   Life didn't hand me lemons. I picked them myself.

   Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?

   If I were the President, I'd create the Adorable Care Act, where every American would get a free puppy.

   Spilling a full drink you just paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon.

   Its real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.

   Bananas don't go back once they go black either.

   there anything more capitalist than a peanut with a top hat, cane, and monocle selling you other peanuts to eat

   Sometimes when I tag someone in a pic I whisper "you're it."

   Everybody in the rap game are either Big or Lil', leaving a ferociously untapped "medium" market.

   Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth

   A lost and found but for airplanes.

   Not only am I a master of suspense but I

   the ham is melting, the turkey is suspended in midair, the salami is hatching from its own egg. why did we even come to the salvidor deli

   I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that's for here."

   I use to hate facial hair, but it grew on me.

   Play Closing Time at my funeral because it's likely I died trying to change the radio station when it came on.

   Buy a "World's Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.

   Sneaking into your house and eating just enough of the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms to make you sad, but not suspicious.