Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Apparently Pound Town is NOT a British dollar store.

   Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

   "We need to talk" - Your Finances

   I'm at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage

   When I'm all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I'd never let that scenario become a reality.

   Nike: Just Do It. Crocs: Just Don't.

   Alcohol poisoning must suck. I can't imagine what it's like being poisoned by the one you love

   If you love someone, keep drinking

   Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I'm concerned.

   I'm at my most relaxed around dogs and prescription drugs.

   If I've learned anything from my 7-day Detox, it's that I love toxins.

   I am like a buffet, you take what you like and ignore what you dont like.

   Cop: sir, have you been drinking? Me: define sir

   The chest burst scene from Alien, but just me leaving work.

   She tried to make me leave the house without my phone charger and that's when I called the cops.

   Ice cubes just get in the way when your drinking becomes serious.

   I hate when boxing announcers say a boxer is "down for the count." I don't care that he loves Dracula I just want to know who's winning.

   My phone just autocorrected kindergarten to Kardashian and that, people, is exactly what is wrong with this world.

   Could you just make my paycheck out to the liquor store? Thanks.

   Relationship status: I've developed a high tolerance for pepper spray.