BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I'm thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would damn listen.

   Walking into your room and saying “Damn, I need to clean this…” then walking out.

   I want to deactivate my FB account, but I know I would be proud of myself and want to announce it to everyone… on Facebook.

   They say a picture is worth a thousand words... have they ever noticed that a middle finger is worth a million?

   I've always wanted to know what was Victoria's secret…

   If you had to guess how many times I've visited your Facebook profile what would you say?

   Tired of being single? Go sleep on the couch for a night and remember what it feels like to be in a relationship. 

   I'm not talking about Facebook, I want to know how to block you in real life.

   The three phases of love: 1. XOXO 2. XXX 2. EX

   Jamaican GPS' would be soo great. “TURN AROUND, MON. YOU GOIN' DE WRONG WAY. TURN DE ODDA WAY MON. KEEP GOIN' DATTA WAY, MON. TURN COMIN' UP ON DE NEXT LEFT. YOU GOT DIS, MON.”

   Those girls, fake hair color, fake nails, fake tan, fake eye lashes.. and yet they wonder why they can't find a "real" man

   Forecast for the weekend - On Friday, mild alcoholism with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement close to midnight on Saturday. Increasing chance of big regret and big hangover for Sunday.

   I just saw a baby wearing a shirt saying: "Santa doesn't exist, but that's ok, cause I can't read."

   Success is just like being Pregnant, everybody congratulates you, but nobody knows how many times you were f%@ked.

   FML #18402392Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paper clip.

   im 99% sure you dont like me, and I'm 100% sure I dont care

   Whenever I see someone running in normal clothes, I immediately assume something is wrong.

   They need to make an app that shows you what your name is saved as in other people's phone.

   Women are magicians, they can change anything into an argument.

   It's amazing the places I will wander to in my house while I talk on the phone.