bego Funny Status Messages

   There are people who are only alive thanks to the fact that killing is illegal

   I'm not addicted to Facebook. I only time I update my status is when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time

   The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.

   Some damn people would not be born if alcohol was never invented.

   If Facebook ever shut down, you'd see people aimlessly walking round streets, scribbling on walls, poking each other, searching for their friends, thumbs-upping and commenting at everything they see and damn tagging one another.

   Facebook needs these 3 buttons: “Dislike”, “Who cares”, “Are you an idiot?”

   LIKE if you reply ”LMFAO” ”ROFL” “LOL” and you're clearly just sitting there emotionless as a robot.

   Facebook needs a “remove from existence” button. That way I don't have to see their posts on mutual friends' walls, and I can just forget that they even exist

   Dear Vegetarians, you're not doing us any favors, all your doing is eating our food supply. Sincerely, Starving Animals.

   Man are like BLUETOOTH, he is connected to you when you are nearby, but searches for other devices when you are away. And women are like WI-FI, she sees all available devices but connects to the strongest one.

   R.I.P To everyone who didn't make it to this Thanksgiving, I hope their families will be strong & have fun for them.

   If you didn't want to sit at the kids' table then you shouldn't have seen the new Twilight movie.

   Turkeys don't think Thanksgiving is very funny.

   The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, “I don't need a pardon. I need a job.

   Black Friday...the day when normal people turn into zombies armed with shopping carts.

   It doesn't matter how old you are, if a balloon is about to hit the floor, you dive for that s**t!

   I hate it when Facebook doesn't trust me while sending friend request.

   Teenage girls: stop making the duck face in all your photos. I don't know who told you it was attractive cause it isn't. You look quite stupid and immature, not to mention ugly. Mostly stupid. Real stupid.

   U know that Happiness is a cop car turning his lights on behind you and immediately going past you.

   Fine don't text me back then. It's not like I'm obsessively checking my damn phone or anything.