markf Funny Status Messages

   I remember the first time a friend said he was going to introduce me to a "dog person." I was bummed at the way it turned out.

   I'm concerned that America will lose the next time we are invaded because this generation will be too busy staring at their phones to notice.

   This just in: North Korea has sent a fax to threaten Seoul 'mercilessly without notice.' Bet Seoul is really scared -- back in 1982.

   What happens if pasta touches antipasta?

   Not sure what this might mean, but you can re-arrange the letters in Happy New Year to spell Wary Ye Happen.

   So let me get this straight -- somewhere a huge NSA data center is storing untold terabytes of data with text like "lol my cat just did a funny" and "u looking good gf"

   Was late getting to the Super Bowl party and missed the first 15 seconds, but the game was already over.

   If you were at a Beatles tribute concert and you fell and hurt yourself, what would you yell?

   In every crowd there's that guy that used to work in an Inspirational Poster factory.

   10 yr old suspended from school for pointing finger like a gun. Where will this end? If fingers are outlawed, only 10 yr olds will have fingers.

   I need an alarm clock with a snooze button that sounds like a pack of snarking wolves.

   NFL announces no more goal dunking allowed. Oakland Raiders reply with a public statement: "No effect on us."

   So would the ACLU defend me if I protested and burned down ACLU headquarters?

   Hawaiian Airlines is now offering cheaper flights to Honolulu, with only a single stop to change wheel wells at San Jose.

   I think my superpower is making mountains out out of molehills.

   Wish my Google phone had "I'm Feeling Lucky" button when I want to be the 10th caller.

   Casey Kasem found safe today in Washington state. Overheard nearby: "And we would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you darn kids."

   Now that presidential spokesman Jay Carney is no longer a government employee, I am expecting him to rush right out and sign up for ObamaCare.

   Email your congressman and demand recognition for Precedents Day! So what if we never had one before.

   Wondering if celebrities hang pictures in their homes of famous restaurant owners.