jdpower Funny Status Messages

   Alcohol doesn't solve any problems; but then again, neither does milk.

   JaMarcus Russell has admitted failing a drug test. It's all explained in his new book "Eat Pray Eat Love Eat Chug Purple Drank Eat".

   Dead fish washed onto "Jersey Shore" cast's beach. The slimy, oft-horizontal twitching creatures say they feel bad for the fish....

   I'm seriously reevaluating my MySpace Top 8

   Wyclef Jean is running for President of Haiti. He should pledge to make Lauryn Hill his Secretary of Miseducation.

   I saw a guy today that had a bedazzled cell phone. I thought it was kinda gay..... but then thought he might have stolen the phone and he might be a thug. The whole thing confused me.

   The best part of watching an actor on an environmental crusade is when he gets on his private plane.

   I support precisely enough global warming to flood Jersey Shore.

   The saxophone still hasn't been brought to justice for everything it did in the 1980s.

   Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

   I feel like "cheeseburger" works better as a noun than as an adjective.

   Barack Obama's tweets are too official. Just once I'd like to see something like: "Just took a Biden-sized dump".

   If you say the word "douche" fast and repetitively, it will sound like the beat of a techno song that some douche would definitely love.

   Craigslist removed its' "Adult Services"section. Headline should read, "No one to ever use Craigslist again".

   Amy Winehouse says her body has been through so much she probably can't get pregnant. Darwin wins again.

   I'm starting to think those 4 years of "P. Diddy Language" I took in grad school may have been a wizz-aste.

   How is it C-3PO is fluent in 6 million languages, yet in none of them can manage to say, "I'm gay?"

   When two meth addicts go out, is it considered speed dating?

   Camping out for video game releases is a fun way to prepare for your impending homelessness.

   Here's to hoping next time Lady Gaga wears a dress made out of Justin Bieber.