huck Funny Status Messages

   The Human Brain is remarkable. It is the worlds most intelligent and advanced biological creation. The peak of human evolution. Then occasionally it forgets all that, like just now, when I went to scratch my eye and punched myself in the face instead.

   Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Of course, now your life will be shorter than it was yesterday. Way to waste yesterday, MORON!

   If at first you don't succeed, lie and say you did.

   What would we do if the T-rex came back? Sadly, scientists believe weapons would be useless. However, we could humiliate them by forcing them to wear tiaras which their tiny arms could never remove.

   Holding a baby is a great excuse to just openly pass gas without anyone knowing.

   They say "confidence" is the most attractive quality in a partner. But I'd have to say, "not banging my friends" would be a very close 2nd

   You would think that by now there would be rap battle re enactors.

   Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.

   My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.

   After you kill somebody with kindness, is there a way to "discreetly dispose of the body with kindness"?

   I wish I was in a gang, I never know what to do with my hands when taking pictures.

   My ideal job is probably just singing the "Not this time" part in that En Vogue song "My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)".

   People who live in glass houses must really hate birds.

   What if Gangnam Style is actually a rain dance and we've brought the frankenstorm down upon ourselves?

   I always eat tacos over a tortilla, so when stuff falls out BOOM extra taco.

   I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn't in a band any more.

   I wanna get pulled over at 88 mph just so I can tell the cop: "Sorry, Flux capacitor must be busted. I should be in 1957."

   My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.

   If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins

   running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?