hiyourjon Funny Status Messages

   why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo. who has hair on their shoulders. whos shampooing their shoulder hair. please come forward

   Next time your sit at a McDonald's playland and a parent asks you, "Which one is yours?" Say, "I haven’t picked one out yet!" It's worth it.

   In a stunning display of maturity, Kid Rock announces he is changing his name to Adult Contemporary.

   Microsoft really can't count. Windows 95, 98, 2000, 7. Xbox, Xbox 360, Xbox 1.

   Shooting pool and darts are just sports for alcoholics.

   "good goin' there einstein" "yeah way to go, einstein!" "nice move, einstein!" - the Einstein family reunion annual softball game

   My Doctor says I'm a serious alcoholic, but I think I'm more of a funny alcoholic.

   When they say "all expenses paid," does that include bail?

   How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?

   If your hat is intentionally crooked while you are pushing a stroller then we know your child was an accident.

   The weather is so hot it just told me I’d make a great friend.

   internet ad: "are you tired of jerking off?" no

   Roll up to Uhaul store, roll down all the windows, blast "I Like to Move It" until they call the police

   God put a woman in the bible and she ruined the whole book in the first chapter

   if I had a kid that was a Belieber I'd lock them in a room with the White Album playing until they snapped out of it

   I feel like every episode of Cops was filmed in June of 1993.

   Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

   Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I'd say I'm about 74% Rice Krispies.

   I finally got one of those "Stop Bullying" bracelets... I stole it off of some nerd at the park.

   Thesaurus .cōm is down which is inconvenient and also inconvenient.