goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   Today's irony: listening to Skynard's "That smell" as I'm driving by Harris Beefs stockyard.

   You know you've made a serious vocational error, if you're covered in blood, crap, or oil by 6am.

   What a great world it would be, if the only complaint was bugs on the windshield.

   I find it hard to sing the Beach Boys without using my "girl" voice.

   Even though my house has an alarm, I still like to set booby traps...just in case.

   Women...why is it so hard to F-in fill the gas tank? The E doesn't stand for ENOUGH!!

   checked in at The F-in Catalina Wine Mixer.

   utilizing a fake phone call to avoid being solicited at the pump.

   If you're a thug driving a luxury SUV fully customized, don't be surprised when I question the legitimacy of your income.

   If you call my house and fail to leave a message, you deserve to be screened.

   If you want to insure you work in the field, bring something that needs to be microwaved for lunch :/

   Okay, Brand, Michael Jackson didn't come over to my house to use the bathroom. But his sister did!

   Remember back in the day when you would make a collect call and try to yell the info to the other party before you were disconnected?

   Just watched the movie Scarface. I'm not one to judge, but if you use your entire hand to make the line you might have a drug problem.

   Don't you hate when you're driving and smell oil or a hot radiator and then automatically assume it's "your" car.

   Just heard on the news we're still waiting on news of the falling satellite. Anyone know where Bruce Willis is?

   Dear Skoal Tobacco Co: Can you please come up with a pouch with a 50/50 mix of tobacco and coffee grounds? Thanks

   Health Tip: rubbing fruit in the palms of your hands is not a safe alternative to washing with water.

   You know you're country when you use a horse trailer to move.

   I quit smoking by switching to sunflower seeds. Cured my smoking habit, but now I have a strange desire to want to sh!t on newspaper...