Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   From now on I will be doing my laundry while nude. This way when I'm done, I will truly be finished washing all of my clothes.

   wishing I could invade my neighbors farms and take over their land in Farmville.

   You know you are obsessed with farmville, when your stomach is growling and you say, "Shut-up! I need to harvest!"

   Sometimes I feel like kicking you in the face ... but then again WHY should I help improve your looks?

   It's not even a booty call, it's a drive by... hit it and go.

   I saw a sign on the back of a dump truck that said: "Happiness is getting your load off."

   convinced that if people really follow their dreams no one would get anything done 'cause people would just be having sex with everyone everywhere.

   I saw some drunk guy chasing his shadow down the street screaming "Give me back my wallet."

   People are going to start thinking we're crazy, well just me, you went past crazy ages ago.

   I really hate it when people say "that sucks" like it really makes the situation any better.

   But officer, I wasn't texting while driving! I was updating my status!

   Things to shout at Tiger Woods at Augusta: "Nail this hole like a Hooters waitress." Or you can say, "Now that you're not getting any, beat it like it owes you money!"

   You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."

   I do lots of stuff in my back yard that's illegal to do in public.

   Does anyone else leave Best Buy without buying anything and think the security guy at the front suspects you of stealing... so you go out of your way to act friendly toward him?

   There's a new Tiger porn with all the hoes he cheated with called "It's all in the hips." It's better than his first release "Tiger's 18 favorite holes."

   I woke up this morning with a hospital arm-band on containing all the information off my fake I.D. WTF did we do last night!?!?

   Don't tell your boyfriend that your friend is slutty... It will only intrigue him...

   Police Station toilet stolen - Cops have nothing to go on.

   The cops came to my house earlier, claiming that my dog had chased someone on a bike. I said "Piss off, my dog doesn't have a bike!"