Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Only Robinson Crusoe had ever everything done by Friday.

   ..is stealing everyone's watches and changing all the clocks at work. "What? 5 o'clock already? See ya!".

   A blind Indian girl wanted me to touch her clothes to see how soft they were. I felt sari for her.

   After my divorce, I realised that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.

   This little piggy went to market.This little piggy stayed at home.This little piggy had roast beef.This little piggy had none.And this little piggy had influenza A virus subtype hemagglutinin protein 1 neuraminidase protein 1.

   All castles had one major weakness. The enemy used to get in through the gift shop.

   The police sent me a photo of my car speeding. So I sent them a picture of my cheque.

   ..thought it was a good thing adding her parents to Facebook until I posted " is going out for the night!" & mum commented "Good! That means me and your father can have loud sex now!". I'll remember to lock my bedroom door before I go out..

   Alcohol is the cause of some problems and the solution to others.

   Coke dealers. Always sticking their business in other people's noses.

   My friend has just been sacked from the jigsaw factory. She's in pieces.

   The Water Board sent me a notice saying that my bill was a year old, I obviously apologised for forgetting, and sent them a birthday card.

   The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the toilet.

   so lazy, she'll fight that little stone in my shoe till the end of the day.

   so lazy, she'll fight that little stone in her shoe till the end of the day

   Mondays aren't so bad...it's my job that sucks.

   My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

   Change is inevitable,except from vending machines.

   As long as there are tests,there will always be public prayers in schools.

   Hukd on Fonics werked for me!