FLIPPHONESCOTT Funny Status Messages

   Maybe Mother Nature wants to be a dirty girl!

   i think this world wide web thing has ran is course!

   Thinking about free healthcare and how much it's going to cost me?

   do the indianapolis colts play at home this week? anybody?

   WHATS THE NAME OF THE SHOW WHERE THEY CATCH CRABS " JERSEY SHORE"

   today was a female canine kind of a day!

   alone with my thoughts and 8 lbs of reeses cups and kit kats

   I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup,,, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever

   if someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my ass?

   i am going antiquing! at my age that means I am looking for chicks

   My credit score looks like the speed limit!

   this fat free dinner taste like sadness!

   i am the guy in the middle in the kmart joe boxer ad!

   you have 1 more see whats left,been damaged, left for dead, returned already what the heck is that? shopping day left!

   Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.

   My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I'm pretty damn excited.

   she said she was getting close to 40 and I ask from what side?

   I am not joking who ever pissed off mother nature Stop!

   I love it when my computer says ” are you sure you want to continue unprotected “

   How the heck are eggs full of cholesterol but chickens aren't?