Cj Funny Status Messages

   Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

   No one can do everything, BUT everyone can do something!!!

   Stand up for what is right, even if you're standing alone.

   Reminding you to never argue with someone who is not on your level of intelligence. Hand them a box of crayons and walk away knowing that you are smarter.

   BREAKING NEWS: This just in from the newsdesk.....Most women are comlplicated.

   Why can't Horatio Caine figure out Dexter Morgan is a serial killer?

   Just got my confirmation! I'm on the guest list for Charlie Sheen's Brews, Blow & Hoe's party.

   BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

   Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

   When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

   My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

   Sing out loud in the car even, or especially, if it embarrasses your children.

   If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, "keep away from children."

   One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

   No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

   Somewhere out there, someone's grandma's recipe for dill bread reads ".. allow dill dough to rise".

   BEER!!!! now cheaper than gas...DRINK......DON'T DRIVE!!!!!

   LOVE ~ It's a special kind of stupid.....

   I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes”

   Happy Wife = Happy Life