SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Turns out they'll sell a wizard hat to just anybody!

   If I could live in any time period, it would have to be a mix of the 50s and the 80s and the future. So, Back to the Future Pt 2, basically.

   They discovered bed bugs can procreate with their siblings. This is not the image boost bed bugs needed.

   Just drunk enough to compose.. Just sober enough to backspace.

   You can always count on mom's to gasp in horror when you're about to hit a car that's 300 yards away.

   I am well-armed for the war on Christmas: Ground-to-air mistletoe, check. Pecan clusterbombs, check. Canister of peppermint spray, check.

   The next Mission Impossible movie should be two hours of Tom Cruise trying not to jump onto a couch after drinking seven Red Bulls.

   On the 5th day of Christmas? Christmas is ONE day. Convert to Judaism if you need a longer holiday.

   Frankincense: an aromatic resin used since ancient times in religious rites. Do not confuse with Frankincense's Monster, an affront to God.

   Sometimes I take the bus instead of drive because there aren't usually 11 hot Mexican chicks in my car.

   Considering that not one of those Three Wise Men bothered to bring a crib or diapers for Baby Jesus, they should simply be known as 3 Dudes.

   The Anti-Christ came to my Christmas party and turned all the wine into water. Hate that guy.

   Just when you think uni-brow humor has reached it's peak, BOOM! Telemundo steps in and takes it to the next level.

   My girlfriend asked me if a fleshlight lights up like a flashlight because it would be a great dual purpose tool. I can't argue that.

   Fracking - because only man would want to create something so toxic it can kill rocks.

   If Jesus guides Tebow on the field, he also guides me through the buffet at Sizzler, so please achieve peace with that.

   AOL puts Sandusky news on their sports page. Molestation is physical but it's not technically a sport is it?

   We sympathize with, but must reject any articles on how to quickly turn a candy cane into a shiv at stressful family gatherings.

   People who make noises with their chewing gum should be put to death. I just decided.

   Kim Jong II is dead & things aren't looking so hot for his official lookalikes either.