Aaron Funny Status Messages

   Don't get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.

   Hospitals don't like it when you unplug things to charge your phone without asking first

   The hardest part of being a zombie would be hiding your excitement of being one.

   Just ate my toothbrush to clean those hard-to-reach places.

   The easiest way to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

   Just imagine for a moment, if you can, a world without hypothetical situations.

   Sick of having to go to 2 different huts to buy pizza & sunglasses.

   The only appointments I'm ever on time for are disappointments.

   My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down.

   What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.

   Whenever I stalk someone, I wear a big foam finger so it's less creepy and more "super awesome fan."

   "look sharp" - me to my poorly maintained knives before guests arrive

   For the record, you'll need a turntable needle.

   Time flies when you're having fun, so the more you enjoy life the quicker you'll be dead.

   I'm up to no good with good intentions.

   When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?

   I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."

   Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here's a plastic sack of my breath"

   Carpenters are only in it for them shelves.

   Rosetta Stoned: When you get so high you think you can speak a different language