Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Do you want to make a difference? Be different.

   There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

   This years Thanksgiving challenge: See if you can sneak a bowl of Lucky Charms on the table.

   If three strikes in bowling is a turkey, then I wish you a happy XXX day tomorrow.

   One of the best situations in life is to be in a peer group where one person has a grudge against you, but everyone else really likes you.

   Too bad there isn't an option to hear the next five seconds after someone hits end on a call. Make no mistake that is when the truth comes out.

   Thanksgiving: The only day where it's American to stuff your face and be proud of it!

   Every time I pull a flash drive out of a computer I feel like a spy.

   There's nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change

   Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.

   Thanksgiving: Stuff the bird, make some stuff, stuff the tables with the stuff you made, and last...(trumpet sounds)...stuff your FACE! ... You just made those trumpet sounds, didn't ya???

   These leftovers are gonna taste great in 3 hours.

   The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.

   "The best revenge is a life well-lived" is so true, but it doesn't provide the instant gratification I seek.

   Just bought someone I don't really like something they don't really need. But I saved 10 bucks!!

   "It sure is nice to not be out shopping." - sane people

   The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she's never around when I'm awake.

   My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he's pissed that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

   Good news: I can breathe out of one nostril a little! Bad news: I sound like a tea kettle.

   My life has a superb cast... I just can't figure out the plot.