CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   Fellas; There is no need to have a Facebook war. There are enough women to go around on Facebook for you to have a fake relationship with.

   Dear customer service: I’m typing this with my middle fingers, if that tells you anything about my satisfaction.

   The way to a man's heart is through the kitchen.

   The first thing I do in a relationship is panic.

   A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.

   When you look at the time left on a movie and you start panicking because you feel there’s still so much left to do and so little time left.

   So Ronaldo & Friends, sorry I mean Portugal got knocked out of the world cup last night.

   if you have already read the books please don't spoil the ending of the world cup

   I'm white but not "I know who my state senator is", white.

   Being funny is so much hotter than being hot.

   4-year-olds can be a pain in the ass. 4-year old nice: “Why don’t you wear makeup?” Me: “Because I don’t need to. I’m a boy.” 4-year old nice: “Do you enjoy being ugly?”

   “Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN

   The last time I left my girlfriend it took her two weeks to notice I was gone. Next time I'm taking all her shoes with me.

   When you're truly beautiful you don't need to remind people in every other selfie caption.

   A romantic getaway but, just me and your best friend.

   Over a thousand people die in Africa because of Ebola they get 10minute news coverage , one Australian is suspected to have Ebola gets hours of news coverage

   She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.

   Pro Tip: If you order two drinks at McDonald's they'll think you're sharing all that food with another person.

   I can't get the cork off my dinner.

   Apple CEO just came out today. I guess this explains why iPhone 6 bends.