Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Women are from Hearts and Men are from Pen*s.

   I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.

   G ay guys and black women win the eye rolling contest!

   It’s a good thing cows can’t talk. Imagine them telling you at every available opportunity that they are vegans.

   Fat people need to accept that being fat isn’t a crime. It’s not a disease. And being called fat isn’t an insult.

   If your coffee order has more instructions than an ikea bunk bed then you're probably an a$$hole.

   Hate is such a strong word. That's exactly why I use it.

   I need to meet new people to ignore.

   There comes a time in your life where nothing gets you excited anymore. I've had this feeling for like 5 years now.

   Why does eating make you fat? People should’t be punished for eating. Why don’t people who wear sunglasses indoors get fat instead.

   My idea of a blind date is not removing your blind fold.

   I'm bored. Maybe I should leave the house and check Facebook from somewhere else.

   Are you a man who feels confident about his opinions? Has a high self-esteem? Well I think it's time to get you a woman.

   In hell, for your birthday, they give you socks in a PS4 box.

   Sometimes you got to talk to someone only once to realize why everyone else avoids them like a plague.

   Hugs that turn into sex? Where do I get those? Mine always turn to 'let me go or I will call the police'.

   Instagram videos beacuse we wanna know if you are paying for the food you instagram.

   So Blue Ivy got the stripper name, and North West got the direction to the strip club? Nice, team work.

   Hey people going to church, the gym or eating plants; Please keep it to yourself and stop telling us about it all the time.

   They're playing Nicki Minaj at the zoo. Wait nope, just a couple of chimpanzees fighting.