life Funny Status Messages

   thinking maybe Doritos can bring back my love life like it did for Grandpa...

   Are there any times in your life you wish you could just forget? Ummmm, like for instance, when that guy sucked the cheese off that other guy's finger in the Doritos commercial? I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

   Everything happens for a reason, and that reason is that life is totally random.

   Cinderella is proof that a fancy pair of shoes can change your life!!

   being colourblind doesn't stop me enjoying life. the other night I saw joseph and his amazing brown coat . it was great .

   They say weed kills brain cells. I'm down to my last two. One is on life support and the other one is trying to pull the plug.

   I have come to the conclusion that my adult life was contrived by a stoned teenager.

   Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "HOLY $HIT... WHAT A RIDE!"

   Why would you try to avoid risks in life? To make it safely to death?

   you know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music

   If you have kids, your life is kids. If you don't, your life is going out to eat and buying electronics.

   thinks that when it comes to Valentine's Day or any day for that matter, the greatest expression of love ever demonstrated was when Jesus gave his life on the cross for me.

   It's better to have loved and lost than to have spent the rest of your life with that psycho. Happy Single Person's Awareness Day!

   The key to a happy life is to turn as much alcohol into urine as you can

   If I'm ever on life support, pull the plug and plug it back in. See if that works.

   The word OK looks like a sideways person. I've said OK my whole life and never noticed him. What's up little guy?

   If I am ever on life support and you pull my plug, wait 5 minutes and plug it back in.It seems to work great on my modem!

   I've only got a couple more years in my "fat stage of life" before I start getting refer'd to as the "fat friend"

   At the end of your life, you should get a rebate for however much time you spent learning cursive.

   1st: Chris Brown hits her 2nd: Eminem lies to her and 3rd: Drake cant remember her name. What a life Rihanna has