CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   It's ok to admit when you're wrong. Just don't tell anyone.

   It's amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there's a pill available for it.

   Everything's on sale when I'm broke.

   8 out of 10 men don't understand women, the other 2 want to be them.

   Let's get naked and stay that way for a day. Or three.

   At what point does the amount of abnormal in your life become so great that abnormal is your new normal?

   My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I'm going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped.

   Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!

   If a girl ever tells you to your face that you can’t afford her-listen to her. No matter how rich or poor you are, she is too cheap for you.

   My heart says yes but my wife says no!

   Moment of silence for all the adults who still don't understand sarcasm and satire... they must live lives of constant confusion and trauma.

   According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.

   Sex so good you forget which species you are.

   You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.

   Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.

   Cmon kid, do or say something funny already. Daddy needs a new Facebook Status Update.

   Sometimes passing by a nursing home is the only reminder I need to go buy my kids whatever they want.

   The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.

   Another fine day ruined by responsibility.

   “B*tch don't kill my vibe” – me talking to my phone battery.