Baddie Funny Status Messages

   When you don't wear makeup I feel like I'm cheating on you with your brother.

   Can't someone put these Kartrashians on a leash and chain them to a pole?

   Ugh my girlfriend is taking forever to exist!

   And then God said, "Let the women have feelings. A lot of feelings. Like, all of the feelings."

   So everybody hates Crocs yet the company is worth $2 billion! Some of you must be lying!

   So everybody hates Crocs yet the company is worth $2 billion! Some of you must be lying!

   I hate when I'm stalking someone & go to another person and then another person and still didn't finish stalking the first one.

   Me: why did you stop me? Cop: for starters you're not wearing a seatbelt. Me: what about main course? Cop: step out of the car.

   Too bad you cant photoshop your stinky breath as well.

   A part of me wants to go to the gym and the other part of me is a liar.

   I smoke cigarettes so that people will walk up to me and talk about death.

   Joyce, the office slut, just sneezed and now we all have to take a mandatory HIV test on Monday :(

   Tell a woman she has cute kids and she's all proud. Whisper it to her and she calls the cops.

   Nothing makes you feel more alive then standing on a grave.

   Watching a program about apes trying to make it in the real world. Wait no, it's "Keeping up with the Kardashians".

   Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It's a free country really.

   All women get paid for sex. Some take cash, others accept three lunches/dinners as payment.

   I don't want to brag, but I'm single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.

   I am like a hardware store. I screw. I nut. I bolt.

   The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.