love Funny Status Messages

   I love Swamp people...."choot em, hurry choot em"

   searching Netflix for a movie to watch and found one that's titled after what all the women of my past have said to me... "I Love You, Don't Touch Me!"

   I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, "Hello?" As if the bad guy is gonna be like, "Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?

   Having lived and loved, I can tell you that life is the constant and love is the variable

   I love Pandas, They're so chill. They're like "Dude, racism is stupid. I'm white, Black, & Asian..."

   Love is like a Rubix Cube, there are countless numbers of wrong twists and turns, but when you get it right, it looks perfect no matter what way you look at it...

   Guys don't post stuff like ☆ BEAUTIFUL☆ FATHER☆ AWARD ☆ on eachouther's walls with the whole ˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙ crap after it.  We show each other love by posting, "Dude, you're an ass!"  

   Guys don't post stuff like ☆ BEAUTIFUL☆ FATHER☆ AWARD ☆ on eachouther's walls with the whole ˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙ crap after it.  We show each other love by posting, "Dude, you're an A$$!"  

   Mess with me, I'll fight back. Mess with my friends, I'll hurt you. Mess with ones I love, and they'll never be able to identify you."

   I am never shocked or surprised when someone I trust and love backstabs or betrays me. Even the Devil was once an angel. Even Judas was once a loyal disciple.

   Watch your wedding video backwards, you will love the bit where you take off the ring get out of the Church and f*** off with friends

   I love watching two girls meet for the first time. Its easily the fakest thing I have ever seen.

   It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she love the most; and when a man does that... the slide show begins.

   Big shout out to Jason Voorhees! Party at Camp Crystal Lake tonight with a lot of love making....Be there or be square!!

   If sex is the food of love then masturbation must be the snacks between meals.

   I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

   you know I love you like a fat kid loves cake.. But i'm on a diet

   Treat em like ladies - love em like lesbians!

   If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. That way you'll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes.

   I love cornbread. Not as much as the woman next to me who has "CORNBREAD" tattooed on her arm... but I love it nonetheless.